Okay, so my heart is just about beating out of my chest, bc I have no idea how to do this whole thingey - I mean, I JUST started to use Google for recipes last month and JUST started to use the phone book program on my cell a couple months ago, so blogging is HUGE- but I am SO excited after reading everyone's that I have to give it a try!!!!! If it doesn't work, I will cry (well not really-some of you know me better than that) and probably never try another blog again.
I get the idea there was a memo I didn't get on some questions we are supposed to answer, but I am going to try. Year graduated: 2000-ish (I actually finished Dec 99.) Course I wish I had taken: oh man, thousands of them, I actually can't wait to go back to school, but I think mostly all the econ classes I could have loaded up on to help in managing a household budget. Favorite 360 Memory: It feels wrong to single one out, but I will say two anyway-road trip to Florida/Tybee Island, and the EVER overflowing downstairs kitchen trashcan that I think I only ONCE emptied(very remorseful here now that I have to empty my own and I know how obnoxious it is to be the only one to do it.) How did anyone live with me at that time?! Places I have lived since graduation: Wake Forest, NC and Durham, NC (three places in Durham). Jobs I have had: high school teacher, family administrator, for which I get a clothing budget, personal budget, and food budget for "payment." But I, like Hallie, don't really count that, I count the number of times one of the girls RUNS to me when they see me unexpectedly as payment and proof of a job well-done:)
We just moved last weekend into the house I call my "die in house." If I have anything to say about it, this is my house FOREVER. I SUCK at organization, am mediocre at design, and moving requires a LOT of that with kids and everything and I HATE it. But it is GORGEOUS!! I can't believe it is mine. Of course, my two little bastards (seen above-Kharis (means grace in greek) on top and Alethia (pronounced a-lay-thia, means truth in greek) on the right, both about 8 months ago, now 3 and 1) will quickly demolish all the beautiful hardwood floors (Kharis already thinks her big-wheel is best ridden around the downstairs circle) and shiny black banisters and new paint and carpet I am sure...you know what they say, "You just can't have nice things with kids." It's God's way of ensuring I don't get too materialistic, and I appreciate it:) It is perfect for a die-in house -the master is already on the first floor, so when I am too old for steps it is all good!
Before I go, our church is phenomenal-beyond description for me. When I knew I wanted to be in ministry I never pictured this, but it is overwhelming in all the good (and bad) ways you can probably imagine on your own. JD is the best preacher I have ever heard in person, and that is saying something since I know all of his junk. *If you think about when you read this, pray for him bc he is in a foreign country for 2 weeks. He had tried to increase his life insurance before he left for other reasons, and NOONE would cover him bc of this trip! Which makes me feel super about it.
Okay, love to all of you girls, some of who I know I knew better than others, but all the same, once a 360 girl, always a 360 girl, and we love you all!
~Veronica (McPeters)
11 comments:
Veronica--Your girls are absolutely beautiful! Maybe we could set up a marriage or two now between our kiddoes and skip all of that teenage dating craziness. :) And I love the names--I had a friend growing up named Alethea (spelled differently, but pronounced the same). We'll be praying for JD too.
Vern--eventually I will post something...I'll try for next week but I'm excited to hear how you are doing. Christin and Matt give us the update on you every now and then. Your babies are beautiful! By the way I'm pregnant and am due in January. I'll find out what I'm having in a week!
Leah! Yes yes yes, please post something-preferably a picture of you preggo!I know you are freakin adorable!!!!! Are you excited or terrified? Make sure you post what you are having-and btw, from someone who has done March adn July, Jan is a FABULOUS time to have the baby! (Lots of time to try and lose weight before summer, not miserably hot when you are 87 months pregnant, not a lot going on around that time-kind of a natural hibernation period.) CONGRATS!
Currently with pregnancy I feel little terrified. We were trying to get pregnant so this isn't a shock but recently I started having alot of mixed feelings about this maybe being my last year teaching. I'm going to teach this fall then I'm going to take some time off in Jan-April then go back and work until the end of school. If I really miss working Seth says I don't have to stay at home and he says he might try to figure out if he can stay at home instead or we would investigate babysitting. Or if I go back to work and hate those last few months then I'll just not renew my contract. It's just strange because this is my 7th year teaching, the county has given me alot of amazing opportunities for leadership, and I'm actually doing tons of county and school-wide curriculum development (that's what I got my masters in from UVA) so stopping all that has currently become harder than I thought it would be. This might sound bad but I'm most nervous about staying home because I'm afraid I will lose my mind--not in the crazy sense but in the taking classes and learning about things outside of kids and diapers sense. Any thoughts?
Of COURSE I have some thoughts:)! Boy do I! First of all, I should say, since people get very sensitive about this subject, I always think if a person is wlking with God their decision is between them and GOd. I am on borrowed time with the girls right now so we will see how much I can write (they were perfect forever so this very long! So sorry-at least you don't have to read it if you don't want to:)). What made me laugh was how IDENTICAL your feelings/situation is to how I was when I had Kharis. We were "trying" too (however, we tried once and it "took" so I didn't have lots of time thinking about it) but somehow that didn't matter-most of the pregnany I was TERRIFIED. And the closer it got the scared-er I got. Hopefully you want me to be totally honest, bc I am going to give you the at-first-not-inspiring truth. When Kharis was born we definitely did not have that whole "bonding" moment. JD asked if I minded if he was the first one to hold her after they'd cleaned her up and in my head I was like, please, anyone, as long as I don't have to. She was not a laid-back baby, though we did Babywise (have you heard of it? It is sometimes controversial, but I am a HUGE fan) and so she was sleeping great by the time she was three months old. But in addition to that fact, I was, in looking back on it, desperately trying to hold on to MY life. I was NOT going to let her change me, she was going to FIT INTO my life. And I certainly wasn't going to give things up for her. I had her in March, stopped teaching then and didn't have to return that year, but by July I was desperately trying to figure out how I was going to tell JD that I was going back to work in August! (I knew I could have my job bc they hadn't filled it and, honestly, I had left it a bit open-ended on whether I was coming back.)
What happened? Well, at that time, Kharis started having trouble gaining weight, so we had this huge drama over the breastfeeding thing, I went on some meds to help that, and I got depressed. So with all that (long story that doesn't have a lot of bearing on what I am telling you) I decided not to go back that year. But why am I not working now?
Here is the bottom line: some people come into mothering very easily and naturally, and others do not. I did not. You are an odd mix (or at least, when I knew you so well you were; lots could have changed by now so I can 't tell you what you are currently), but a lot of times people with a very outgoing, high energy personality like mine and yours do not. However, you were a GREAT aunt, and you liked children a lot. So I don't know what you will be like. But it took me almost 17 MONTHS to come around to mothering well and enjoying it!! That was the time I did this biblestudy that was really good that helped me get a grip on lots of the "issues" in my life, and this was one of them.
You know how you can't always effectively communicate what GOd taught you? Well, this is probably one of those things, so sorry if this means nothing to you, but anyway, basically I just realized that how I was doing life was making noone happy. I was trying to make Kharis fit into my old life, which of course if you have ANY illusions towards being a good mom does not work, so that made me resentful towards her. At best, if you are going to do that, they will be occassional cute add-ins, and at worst, they will be constantly in your way. And of course, she was just a baby, so my pace didn't sit well with her. So we were both very unhappy.
You know how when you come to Christ, the ironic truth is that when you surrender your life to Him that is when you get true freedom/life back? That is how it was with this. As cheesy as it is to write, when I embraced motherhood wholeheartedly, that was when I started having a good time! I never want her to catch on to this fact, but my life centers around her (and Alethia)now (which can be an interesting balance to try and strike.) This is what God has assigned for me to do now, and I want to do it for him and them and me. We only have 5 years to lay the foundation for forever, and when she starts asking the questions about God and people and the world in her 3 or 4 or 5 year old way, I want to be the one to teach her.
If you had told me before I had them that when I was a mom the hardest thing would be stuff like not getting isolated, I would have laughed. Veronica, getting isolated?! I live off people! I love to be spontaneous! I love going out! But once you cross over, that is a fight. I fight it, and I do pretty well, but it is a struggle. To that end, I do a playgroup, we have bi-weekly Ladies Night Outs, both of the kids are in a Parent's Morning Out, and I teach a college girl's biblestuday that keeps my perspective young:) And when the kids all go back to school, I think I will go back to some kind of work. (What I want to go back and do changes with some regularity-for a while now it has been get my Master's in counseling and do that.) But for now, this is what I do: run my house, rear my kids.
I don't know if all that makes sense to you. I sure don't now if it is helpful. But I hope so. I always tell my college girls if I can be a mom and enjoy it anyone can!! Hope you can write back soon! (And when did you get your masters at UVA?! AND, my computer says you posted at 4:30 last night-is that true?!)
Well, I just have to jump in on this one. The questions of motherhood—does it matter, is it worthwhile, why am I doing it, what am I trying to accomplish, etc. have been like a slowly clanging gong in my head that chimes behind the constant noise of daily life. I came into it from a different place than you girls both did—I loved everything about it from the beginning (ok, well not the constant throwing up and nausea of pregnancy, but after that). I loved the concept of being pregnant, sheltering a little life inside of me that was part of Joe and me, given to us by God. I loved my ideal in my head of being a mom too. I was thrilled.
Enter a real baby, my firstborn Joseph, with all of his needs and the sheer physicality of it all. Even though I was looking forward to it, I wasn’t prepared for it. I was in over my head.
Over the last 3 years, I have learned so much and God has completely changed my heart towards it all. I totally agree with what you wrote about trying to make the baby fit into your life Veronica and learning that when you surrendered to motherhood, you were finally able to enjoy it. Wow, profound and true. I still struggle with my selfishness and wanting things to go my way, and God uses my boys to remind me that it is His way that matters.
Do you know how when you get married, you are suddenly faced with a million ways that you’d prefer your own way instead of your husband’s way? And not just on trivial stuff, but on big stuff too. You choose, will it be me or him? Love says that it will be him, though my sin says me. It is the same with being a mother. In my sin, I say me in a million ways—I want to go where I want to go, do what I want to do, and be valued for who I am. But, God (who IS love) says it is them--my boys. Like when Vern said her life is centered on her girls. Mine is centered around Joe and the boys. Not in a “give them everything they want” way, but in a “lay down your life to serve them, love them, show them Christ, (and in the case of the boys, discipline them and raise them to be Godly men” way.
Hard? Yes, desperately so! But that is the Gospel. When I can’t do it, God’s grace sustains me. Being a mother has fleshed out for me Galatians 2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Crucified to myself and my sin. Crucified to my plans and goals. Submitted to God’s good plan and his purposes. Being made more fully “me” even as I am letting go the things that I would claim as my rights.
Okay, that is all for now. I have books more to write on the subject, but Joe wants to hang out and I’ve been on the computer for too long. Next time I get a minute, I’ll write more about the “questions of motherhood” that I started out this comment with. I’m starting to come up with some answers (I should since I’ve been at this for almost 5 years now). I also want to write a few things to those of you that aren’t yet in the mom stage (or even necessarily married) that I wished someone had told me. Until then, I wish I could just sit down and chat with y’all about all of this instead of typing. Want to go for a walk on the Lawn with me? :)
P.S. This article
>Reluctant Mother captures some of my thoughts on this subject and says it much better than I did.
Hallie and Veronica,
Thanks for your words of wisdom. Vern I think you are right about our personalities...we both are pretty independent so I think that makes it hard. Hallie I'm certain that after 3 kids you have learned tons more than this little comment section can hold so you should write more when you have time. I'll keep you both posted to all of our decisions and changing emotions but for now its just nice to know I'm not crazy in having to work my way into motherhood. As for the 4:30 postings...I usually only check email and internet in the morning (around 7:30 East Coast time) when Seth is asleep and the house is quiet. I think the blogger clock is set on West coast time and that's why it always posts 4:30. Once this baby comes though I'm certain I might have some legitimate 4:30 posts.
Leah- I'd love to see you anytime you happen to be in town. Coffee..dinner...quick chat...whatever. I am so excited for your pregnancy and will be praying for your decision.
Veronica - your girls are beautiful (as I am sure you are well aware - how could they not be!). I loved hearing from you about the process of becoming a mother.
All 3 moms - keep up the conversation - I love hearing what you all have to say as this is something I will - by God's grace - get to deal with in the next couple of years. Motherhood - actually just getting pregnant - is something that really excites me but makes me very nervous as I have been through so much pain with my sister the past 5 yrs. God hasn't blessed us with any children yet - but we are hopeful and prayerful that he will!
Even though it's just a little blog chatting I've loved being able to just catch a little back up with y'all! It has made me reminisce about so much. Something I keep thinking about is how different we all must be, in some ways, you know, just the growing up/maturing thing (some of us, ie, ME, are maybe MORE different in that respect?!lol) but how much the same we must be in so many others, you know? In fact, I almost feel that y'all, the people I knew and loved in college, will forever know me better, in a way, than anyone else can or will.
Where are a few of the others that I really want to hear from?! Have the quasi 360 girls, Matt O. and Josh G., been invited to be on this? I guess they are married now, and depending on what kind of woman she is, she may not be excited about that (although if she had any idea, it would NEVER bother her!). And what about Mommy (right?) Colleen?! And Catherine?! Were they invited? I want to know what they are up to!
Martha-I am really trying to make a trip to C'ville this year, I missed last, so if it works out can I look you up?
Leah-Two things: first, maybe we could work out where we are there the same weekend and grab Brueggers together; second, I will add a little to our convo on mothering, since others have said they like talking about it...if your over it, just say so:)
It is a struggle to ensure that I get what some call "creative outlets". But it is imperative, for my sanity, for my relationship with JD, for the good of the girls, for lots of things. I am not one that says you shouldn't ever work, not for a moment, don't even think about, etc. I think sometimes working part-time in a job you love (which it sounds like you do!) can be really great for a mom.
What I do believe is God-ordained is that a Mom be actually doing the work of mothering, for two equally valid reasons. First, Hallie talked about, and that is that mothering is GOd's primary vehicle to change us as women. Marriage is supposed to do that, and it sounds like for Hallie, the proper methods that GOd had put in place worked. But lots of people are able to short-circuit that method. As one of my friends says, "I love marriage! Until I got married, for 25 years there was one person to cater to my every whim; after I got married, there were 2!" Anyway, with a baby, there are very few ways to short-circuit it. Either you are there, physically and emotionally, or you are not.
The second reason is for the kids' sake. This is the one usually talked about by people who are really vocal about staying home with your kids. As you can just google it and get hundreds if not thousands of articles talking about how staying home with your kids benefits them I won't go on ad nauseum.
I think the question we all have to ask as women who love God is this: If you are working full-time, say in a job that is 8-4, and your 8-month-old sleeps from 7:30-7:30 , and of course when you get home at 4:30 you have to get dinner and do who knows what else (those hours are the busiest of my day), do you think that three hours a day can be considered really doing the work of a mother? I would argue not. (Obviously, if there is no choice in the matter financially, then one does the best you can and trusts God with it!)
Ahhh. I should hang it up now! I didn't know I would write this much when I started. But JD is still in A-gan (please pray again if you can when you read this-the thing in the UK is unsettling-he comes back the day after the deal was planned for) and I have time to do it. Hope I hear back! And Leah, when did you get your masters?
This thread has to be one of the top reasons why I loved 360 so much. We were a collection of girls with different personalities that we could all learn from. I know as a single person, I'm even encouraged by the realities you all have faced and are honest about. I love it!
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